The Phoenician Scheme (15, 101 mins)

Verdict: Far too whimsical

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning (12A, 169 mins) 

Verdict: Impossibly long **

Fountain Of Youth (12A, 125 mins)

Verdict: Overflows with fun

The Cannes Film Festival closes this weekend and, unusually, two of the films that had the glitziest premieres there have already reached UK cinema screens. That’s the good news. Unfortunately, one’s a bit of a dud while the other is rather a drag.

The Phoenician Scheme is the latest from acclaimed writer-director Wes Anderson, and has a typically top-notch cast boasting several of his unofficial repertory company. Benicio del Toro leads, with Tom Hanks, Benedict Cumberbatch, Scarlett Johansson, Bill Murray and Bryan Cranston among the eye-catching names in supporting roles.

The Phoenician Scheme is the latest from acclaimed writer-director Wes Anderson, and has a typically top-notch cast boasting several of his unofficial repertory company

Benicio del Toro leads, with Tom Hanks, Benedict Cumberbatch, Scarlett Johansson, Bill Murray and Bryan Cranston among the eye-catching names in supporting roles

Anderson, it is said, is cinematic Marmite: folk either love his films or hate them. But that’s not quite so, or to put it another way, maybe it’s possible to fall out of love with Marmite.

I admired Rushmore (1998) and adored The Grand Budapest H๏τel (2014). But The French Dispatch (2021) and 2023’s Asteroid City seemed to me insufferably self-indulgent exercises in whimsy for whimsy’s sake, often bafflingly incoherent. 

They amounted to journeys through Anderson’s undeniably fertile mind, and while there are always plenty delighted to go along for the ride, rhapsodising about the great auteur’s genius, I just wanted to get off.

The Phoenician Scheme, alas, offers more of the same. In mitigation it’s consistently lovely on the eye. And it has a terrific, genuinely funny opening, but it careers downhill thereafter.

Set like Asteroid City in the 1950s, it boasts all Anderson’s usual flourishes – above all that mannered artificiality of dialogue, set and costume that has become his trademark. 

The тιтle refers to the latest dodge by a rich, conniving businessman called Zsa-Zsa Korda (del Toro), who keeps surviving ᴀssᴀssination attempts. Korda has nine boys, but only one girl, Liesl. 

She’s a novitiate nun nicely played by (Kate Winslet’s daughter) Mia Threapleton, and even though they are estranged, she’s the one anointed as his successor, should his enemies ever succeed in killing him.

That remarkable cast also includes Michael Cera, Rupert Friend, Riz Ahmed, Willem Dafoe and F Murray Abraham and they all plainly have an absolute whale of a time as Korda whizzes round the world trying to bond with his daughter, finding backers for his dubious project, and confounding ᴀssᴀssins. 

Anderson, it is said, is cinematic Marmite: folk either love his films or hate them. But that’s not quite so, or to put it another way, maybe it’s possible to fall out of love with Marmite

The Phoenician Scheme, alas, offers more of the same. In mitigation it’s consistently lovely on the eye

Set like Asteroid City in the 1950s, it boasts all Anderson’s usual flourishes – above all that mannered artificiality of dialogue, set and costume that has become his trademark

The тιтle refers to the latest dodge by a rich, conniving businessman called Zsa-Zsa Korda (del Toro), who keeps surviving ᴀssᴀssination attempts. Korda has nine boys, but only one girl, Liesl

That remarkable cast also includes Michael Cera, Rupert Friend, Riz Ahmed, Willem Dafoe and F Murray Abraham and they all plainly have an absolute whale of a time

I can imagine how much fun it is to be in a Wes Anderson film. But I for one no longer derive nearly enough fun from watching them.

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning would be a lot more fun if it weren’t so ludicrously long-winded, lasting almost three hours. A floppy-haired Tom Cruise plays Ethan Hunt of the Impossible Missions Force, criss-crossing the globe while attempting for the umpteenth time to save it, this time (as last time) from a rogue slab of artificial intelligence known as The Enтιтy.

There is one truly spectacular extended stunt, which sees Hunt clinging to the wings of a bi-plane in the clouds above South Africa, but far too much of Christopher McQuarrie’s picture gets bogged down in ponderous self-importance, when it should just be tongue-in-cheek escapism.

Maybe McQuarrie also felt that a colossal $400 million budget required a commensurately whopping running-time? Whatever, he could have cut half an hour by removing 90 per cent of the references to the world being on the edge of a precipice. As it is, by the end, you might find yourself wishing it would just fall off.

Guy Ritchie does a much better job with Fountain of Youth, another action thriller with a potty plot, but which, crucially, never takes itself too seriously. It benefits greatly from John Krasinski’s gently, engagingly facetious lead performance as Luke, an art thief, squabbling endlessly with his sister Charlotte (Natalie Portman), a museum curator.

Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning would be a lot more fun if it weren’t so ludicrously long-winded, lasting almost three hours

A floppy-haired Tom Cruise plays Ethan Hunt of the Impossible Missions Force, criss-crossing the globe while attempting for the umpteenth time to save it

Guy Ritchie does a much better job with Fountain of Youth, another action thriller with a potty plot, but which, crucially, never takes itself too seriously

It benefits greatly from John Krasinski’s gently, engagingly facetious lead performance as Luke, an art thief

Luke, it turns out, is pinching masterpieces by the likes of Rembrandt and Rubens because together they will lead him to the elusive elixir of life, required by his dying billionaire patron (Domhnall Gleeson).

The story is unashamedly derivative, borrowing from The Da Vinci Code and the Indiana Jones movies, but Ritchie keeps it bowling along very entertainingly. The writer is James Vanderbilt, of the famously wealthy family of industrialists, whose great-great grandfather went down with the Lusitania in 1915. 

That’s an episode which looms large in the narrative, in a compellingly unlikely collision of fact and fiction.

Fountain of Youth is on Apple TV +. A longer review of Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning ran last week.