Faye Winter broke down in tears as she opened up on the emotional toll of her abusive first relationship and the subsequent nosedive her mental health took after she left the Love Island villa. 

The reality star, 29, who starred on the ITV2 dating show in 2021, got emotional as she detailed her first serious relationship with Paul C Brunson on his podcast We Need to Talk.

She revealed she had been 18 and head over heels, describing the beginning of their relationship as ‘easy’ and ‘lovely’ and admitted: ‘I honestly thought that was the guy I was gonna marry’.

However, she explained that something changed and there were times her then-boyfriend ‘wasn’t very nice’, pointedly adding: ‘Alcohol and drugs can do some really nasty things to people’.

Faye broke down in tears as she recalled how she would lock her partner out of their house when he went on nights out because she was ‘scared of him coming back’.

While she explained she was scared to speak out, allowing her partner to blame her for their relationship issues.

Faye Winter broke down in tears as she opened up on the emotional toll of her abusive first relationship and the subsequent nosedive her mental health took after she left Love Island 

Faye broke down in tears as she recalled how she would lock her partner out of their house when he went on nights out because she was ‘scared of him coming back’

She said: ‘A lot of the time I would be at home and he would go out, but I would be scared of him coming back. So I would lock him out of the house and I wouldn’t want him near me.

‘I think I was then scared of telling people because of their judgement of what was going on, and so I would just take it and keep taking it towards the end. 

‘It always seemed to be that I was the issue and I was the problem. I could’ve nipped things in the bud, but I wasn’t confident enough to say “This is what happened”. 

‘Instead of speaking up, I chose to stay silent and in the whole grand scheme of the story, I would be the issue and the bad person.’

As Paul suggested that Faye was protecting her ex, she insisted: ‘It’s so frustrating because I know in my heart of hearts and I knew then, that it wasn’t his normal. 

‘And I know he’s not a bad person, I would speak to him now and I’ve got a lot of forgiveness. I know people can change and maybe I was a factor in bringing out maybe not very nice side.

‘But there were times he wasn’t very nice. I don’t want to say the words of what happened, but the person who picked me up the last time was my sister and I never saw him again.’

She went on to admit she was scared that her partner would hurt her and faced both physical and mental pain in the relationship.

She went on to admit she was scared that her partner would hurt her and faced both physical and mental pain in the relationship

Faye then explained how the wounds the experience left on her carried on after Love Island and admitted ‘really struggling’ after leaving the villa (pictured on the show)

She said: ‘I know that I shouldn’t have ever been put in the positions that I was put in. I was never scared for my life, but I was scared that he would hurt me. 

‘I was in my early 20s at this point and I thought this was my forever. It’s a horrible position for any young woman or any person to go through.

‘No one should ever go through anything that physically or mentally hurts them and I think I got to the point where I had both.’

Faye continued: ‘It’s so frustrating to talk about it because I don’t want it to define me and I never want anyone to look at me as a victim, because sometimes I’m sure there was a point where I would wind him up and I would shout. 

‘There was one time, we lived in a townhouse on the first floor and he climbed up onto the cars and came in through the balcony doors.

‘And I knew he was so angry with me because I’d locked him out and I understand that he would’ve been so frustrated. But it got to a point where I wouldn’t go out.’

When asked by Paul what had given her the strength to leave, Faye said: ‘The last time I was really shaken up and I think because my sister then knew the full extent, that someone knew what was going on, I then wasn’t alone. 

‘Because things had happened before and I hadn’t told anyone about it. But this time she was like “This is it, you’re not going back again Faye”.

During her stint, she was at the centre of Love Island’s most complained about moment ever – launching into an expletive-filled rant at Teddy Soares (pictured)

A whopping 24,763 viewers took to Ofcom to express their upset, with fans branding her ‘horrendous’, ‘abusive’, and ‘gaslighting’ and also calling on producers to remove her from the villa (pictured with Teddy on show)

‘My mum asked why I never told her and it was because I knew that wasn’t his nature. I didn’t want people to judge him.

‘But I knew at that point that nothing would go back to how it was. My sister would never be around him and if I went back, my sister would have been the one I lost. And I could never lose my sister. So I feel that was the moment that that was it. 

She candidly confessed: ‘I don’t think I ever healed from that.’

Faye then explained how the wounds the experience left on her carried on after Love Island and admitted ‘really struggling’ after leaving the villa.

During her stint, she was at the centre of Love Island’s most complained about moment ever – launching into an expletive-filled rant at Teddy Soares after seeing a clip of him telling Clarisse Juliette he was ‘Sєxually attracted’ to her.

A whopping 24,763 viewers took to Ofcom to express their upset, with fans branding her ‘horrendous’, ‘abusive’, and ‘gaslighting’ and also calling on producers to remove her from the villa.

Despite apologising to Teddy and going on to date for 18 months, Faye said that she still gets messages to this day from people attacking her over the incident and confessed feeling ’embarrᴀssed’ and like ‘I let everyone down’.

She told Paul: ‘When I came out I didn’t know at that time that it had blown up to the point that it had. I was really embarrᴀssed, and still to this day, I’m really embarrᴀssed that I just didn’t let people know that I was really hurt.

Despite apologising to Teddy and going on to date for 18 months, Faye said that she still gets messages to this day from people attacking her over the incident and confessed feeling ’embarrᴀssed’ and like ‘I let everyone down’

Faye explained how she hadn’t been interested by the ‘one-dimensional’ influencer lifestyle that Love Islander contestants often go on the show for (pictured at NTAs in September)

‘When that happened, I put a wall up again, and I was like no it’s fine, it’s just TV, it’s fine… but then at home I’m like I’m really struggling, this is really s**t. 

‘And again I went to a really alone place. I had no friends, no family around me and I had no one and nothing. It felt like there was 25,000 people against me.

She began teary as she admitted: ‘I felt like I let everyone down. I let my mom down, I let my dad down, I let my sister down, like everyone close to me. And I need to try and find a way out of it, but it got a hell of a lot worse before it got better.’

Faye explained how she hadn’t been interested by the ‘one-dimensional’ influencer lifestyle that Love Islander contestants often go on the show for and felt ‘all the pillars of my life were crumbling’ after leaving her job and moving away from her hometown.

She broke into tears as she recalled feeling increasingly ‘lost, alone and worthless’, until she began thinking that she ‘didn’t want to be here anymore’.

She said: ‘When you come out of Love Island, you’ve already got a path that’s been carved for you, and it’s very one dimensional, it’s very, fast fashion, beauty, hair, and I didn’t want to do any of that. 

‘So, I’d lost my career, I was going to all these events that I didn’t care about, I didn’t care about the people at the events, I didn’t care to impress anybody or get pH๏τos taken of me. My dad got Covid and he was intensive care.

‘I remember feeling so lost. I was feeling like what am I meant to do because everything I’m meant to care about I don’t care about? 

She said: ‘When you come out of Love Island, you’ve already got a path that’s been carved for you, and it’s very one dimensional, it’s very, fast fashion, beauty, hair, and I didn’t want to do any of that’

She broke into tears as she recalled feeling increasingly ‘lost, alone and worthless’, until she began thinking that she ‘didn’t want to be here anymore’

‘I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be in this house and my partner at the time thrived on it more than I did. It felt really empty. It felt like all the pillars of my life were crumbling.’

Becoming teary, Faye confessed: ‘I didn’t want to be here anymore. I knew in my heart of hearts that everything would be easier if I wasn’t here. 

‘I just remember thinking, I don’t want to be in this house, I don’t want to be around these people, I don’t want to be doing this job, I feel worthless and I’m alone again. And I am struggling with this whole concept of this world that I don’t feel that I fit into.’

However, she credited therapy with helping her, explaining: ‘I had therapy when I came out the villa, you get given eight sessions and then if you need it extending, you need extending and I needed it extending a lot. 

‘I think therapy is one of the greatest things that no one should ever feel ashamed to talk about or go to. I was in it every week, because there was a point where I couldn’t go to the shops on my own. I wouldn’t leave my house. 

‘So my therapist would go to the shops with me and one time she wanted to leave me in an aisle and I was physically shaking. I was worried someone hated me and would say something or do something. 

‘I felt really lost, not just emotionally, but physically. And then I moved out to Devon and haven’t had one therapy session since.

‘That show exposed really dark parts of me but I was able to work on them and I realised that’s not how I want to be and not who I was.’

In June, Faye told MailOnline she had turned down an opportunity to appear on a reality TV show in order to prioritise her mental health.

She admitted she had to ‘block out a lot of noise to get through the darkness’ in 2023 and also credited her dogs for ‘giving her a reason to get out of bed on her lowest days’.

Faye told MailOnline she had to ‘block out a lot of noise to get through the darkness’ in 2023 and also credited her dogs for ‘giving her a reason to get out of bed on her lowest days’ 

She said: ‘Last year I had the option to do other bits [reality TV], but I I said it wasn’t the right time for me. I always think timing is so It is so important.

‘I needed to concentrate last year on myself. My well-being, my health and so I prioritised that, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

‘I’ll never look back and regret putting myself first, that’s something that I’m very proud of do. I could have gained more followers, but it just doesn’t bother me to do that or to be that side of things.’

She added: ‘I lost a lot of weight. I was in a really bad, awful place. We’ve all been there, but for me, I really had to block out the noise or I could have gone a different way.

‘I didn’t wanna post [on social media]. I didn’t really want people to know what was going on in my life. I really had to focus on me and by what makes me happy. 

‘I needed to take a few steps back to then take multiple steps forward. You cannot see the light sometimes through the darkness, and it feels like it’s never gonna end. Time is a mᴀssive healer.’

She continued: ‘I have definitely found my happiness. I have definitely become a lot more independent cos there was a point that I wouldn’t even, like, leave my house by myself.

‘My dog is my reason and she has given me a reason on my lowest days. She is the love of my life at the moment. I’ve loved her when I’ve not wanted to love myself. And ultimately, that’s allowed me to then love myself and get out.’

If you are a victim of domestic abuse, call Refuge’s freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 

For mental health help, contact Mind on 0300 123 3393 or Samaritans on 116 123